envy...

Envy... the green-eyed kind...
His Light revealed some in my heart this week...

envy... painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage...

---Merriam-Webster's Online

I've encountered the issue before...
but I don't know that I've ever named it...
envy...

And [Jesus] said, "What comes out of a person is what defiles him. for from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person."

Mark 7:20-23 ESV 

I'd rather pretend it wasn't there...

but that's just tucking it away in the dark...

where the enemy has room to work...

God's shined His Light on it...

now I bring it into the light... out in the open...

like an alcoholic at AA...

Hi... my name is Carol...

and I am envious...

The odd thing is...

I don't agree with the monster...

I know it's wrong...

so I shed tears...

not only out of envy...

but out of grief for my brokenness...

Today I confessed to the one I envy...

she hung her head...

said... I'm sorry...

But I'm the one that's sorry...

sorrow-full... over my own brokenness...

unable to feel joy for her...

and certainly not wanting to hinder relationship in anyway...

where she won't share a similar opportunity...

I just knew it couldn't stay in the dark between us...

so now that it's named...

I seek Him...

ask Him to reveal the root...

pull it out... and bring healing...

And I look forward to rejoicing with her...

and others...

when the same thing comes up again...

because He is faithful... to... heal...

and love does not envy...

Do you have something you need to name...?

something lingering in the dark recesses of your heart...?

Go ahead... get it out in the light...

Hello... my name is _______________...

and I am ___________________________...

wow...

Wow...!
What do you say to the one who calls so angry...
No... I'm not OK...

You talk and try to fix...
but she says...
You don't understand...!
I'm not mad at him...
I'm frustrated 'cause I can't fix it...

The truth is...
she's right...
she can't fix it...
and neither can I...
no one can...

The only One who can fix...
is Him...
then only if we will allow Him to...
if we'll hear Him knock at the door...
and open up...
invite Him in...
eat with Him...
follow Him...

"...Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door,

I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. ..."

Revelation 3:19-20 ESV

unless we are transparent...

I challenged her when she came in the shop to pick up Bible study material...

We talked about the importance of having a safe place for Believers to witness to one another about faith... share the things He's done in our lives... even the hard things... our own sin... others' sins against us... and how He's used it... healed it...

She said... That's the stuff I shove to the back...

I said... Unless we are transparent... others can't see Jesus in us...

Unless we are transparent... open... about our lives...
past struggles... failures... abuses...
others can't see where He's walked us through to the other side...

Unless we are transparent... open... about our lives...
current struggles... failures... abuses...
others can't offer... their stories of healing...

The next day... after I challenged her...
an opportunity came... for Him to challenge me...
Be transparent...

I failed to seize the moment...
but the challenge is planted...
and I'm sure... I will... take the step to...
be... transparent...

...Christ in you, the hope of glory.

Colossians 1:27 ESV

what does He do... with... heartbreak...?

This morning... a friend in tears... cried out the question...
What does Jesus say to heartbreak...? to those brokenhearted...?

the question sent me on a search...

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18 ESV

He knows what it is to be brokenhearted...

The two He created... the two He loved...
the two He planted a garden for...
rebelled... and broke His heart...

The people He chose... the nation formed through freedom from slavery...
the ones He prepared a promised land for... rejected Him...

The twelve He drew near... invited to follow Him... taught them all He knows...
one betrayed Him... all abandoned Him...

He was despised and rejected by men;

a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief...

Isaiah 53:3 ESV

He identifies... with the brokenhearted...

draws near... to save...

He heals the brokenhearted

and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3 ESV

In His compassion... mercy... power...

He alone... heals a broken heart...

by His own wounds... He heals...

But he was pierced for our transgressions;

he was crushed for our iniquities;

upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,

and with his wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5 ESV

Our own sin... the sins of others...
the root cause of heartbreak...
His and ours...

He alone has the cure...
by His grace... He chose to be wounded...
that we might know healing...

With forgiveness of sins...
comes wholeness of heart...
and the gift of grace...
to offer forgiveness to others...

What doe He do... with... heartbreak...?
Forgives...

First... mourn with those who mourn...
then bring the Healer near...

The healing might not be a quick fix...
it might require a journey...
but His healing lasts... for eternity...

Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed;

save me and I will be saved,

for you are the one I praise.

Jeremiah 17:14

psalm 103... an Easter perspective... part two...

Yesterday started a series...
one unplanned...
one entered into by faith...
Psalm 103... an Easter perspective...

Today... part two...

Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits ---

who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases...

Psalm 103:2-3

I had some today...

both sins... and... diseases...

Let me explain...

I wasn't physically ill...

but several years ago... I can't remember where now...

I read a teaching... where they broke down the word disease...

to it's two parts... dis... ease...

It really spoke to my heart...

and it hasn't left my mind...

dis-ease... isn't that what every illness is...?

whether it's physical...? emotional...? spiritual...?

Our ease is no more... it's been disturbed...

turned upside down...

the prefix dis-... means opposite of...

So I experienced some spiritual dis-ease this morning...

on account of sin...

Sinful thoughts... attitudes... causing much dis-ease in my spirit...

I didn't act on any of the corrupt thoughts...

but they effected me just the same...

What a blessing... what ease can be had...

to know... in Jesus... all our sins are forgiven...!

all our dis-eases healed...!

The prayer went out...

Jesus... forgive me my selfishness... and arrogance...

forgive this darkness bubbling up in my heart...

Take captive every thought... make it obedient to You...

In Him... He not only forgives... but brings healing...

to those places in our hearts... 

dark things we might not even see...

He reveals... and deals with...

A question has also been set before Him...

What is the root of this darkness...?

Reveal it... Heal it... 

Amen...

In Him... we need not stay in a state of dis-ease over anything...

sin... physical illness... emotional distress... spiritual upheaval...

By the power of His Spirit... in faith...

we can invite Him in...

for forgiveness... and healing...

Amen... Amen... and... Amen...

What sin...? what dis-ease...? do you need to bring to Him...?

brokenness...

Brokenness... I've seen more than a little the last day or so...

And I remember...

The Lord is near the brokenhearted 

and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18 ESV

He heals the brokenhearted 

and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3 ESV

Jesus majors in broken... He says...

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of prison to those who are bound...

Isaiah 61:1 ESV

Brokenness longs for good news... and the Good News is good... when we embrace our brokenness...

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. ..."

---Jesus

Matthew 5:3-6 ESV

So is it possible... to receive that which breaks us... as a blessing...?

Can we believe He is the One who works all things for good in the lives of those who love Him...?

Do you love Him enough to trust Him... with the pain He allows...?

Are you willing... to walk with Him... through this world... remembering it is not your home...?

Can you trust Him... to provide the strength... to hold you together...?

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Blessed are those whose strength is in you,

who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.

Psalm 84:5

Lord... in brokenness... I choose to trust You... Your plan... 

Your purpose... Your grace... mercy... and love... 

But we have this treasure in jars of clay,

so show that the surpassing power belongs to God

and not to us.

2 Corinthians 4:7 ESV 

broken... a place for grace to flow...

Getting honest with ourselves does not make us unacceptable to God. It does not distance us from God, but draws us to Him --- as nothing else can --- and opens us anew to the flow of grace. While Jesus calls each of us to a more perfect life, we cannot achieve it on our own. To be alive is to be broken; to be broken is to stand in need of grace. It is only through grace that any of us could dare to hope that we could become more like Christ.

--- Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel

I see a loved one... struggling with what he sees... when he comes into His presence... overwhelmed by the darkness revealed in His Light...

The initial response... run... hide... protect the heart with pride...

But the proper stance... is to stand in the Light... trust His forgiveness... and let grace flow through...

Praying for those who are broken... to trust Him... draw near... and let grace heal...

For by grace you have been saved through faith.

and this is not your own doing; it is a gift of God...

Ephesians 2:8

first steps on a new journey... surprised by joy...

Today... the first steps taken in a new journey... a new ministry of sorts...

A journey through Scripture... the whole... over three years... together with others... in a Sunday School class... aptly named...

The Journey

When the inspiration first came... I shared the thought... thinking the idea would be shot down by others who knew better... but no... it was embraced... encouraged...

Moving forward... presenting the thought to those who could Yea or Nay the proposal... and these several months later... the day to begin came...

What has struck me as odd about this particular call... is me... and the way my heart has responded...

Past calls... have left me feeling fear... No not this... Really...? responding with obedience... just because... I had no other choice... because He says so... I will...

So today... and the past several days... the overriding feeling came as a surprise... joy... accompanied by... excitement... no fear... no dread... (even though the Kindle was packed... just in case I found myself in an empty room...)

Something... has shifted... in my relationship with Him... something healed... redeemed... in my heart... because this is weird... this is not me... who faces a call... an unknown... with joy... and... excitement...

In this odd revelation... I find my heart... filled with song... literally...

You're altogether lovely

Altogether worthy

Altogether wonderful to me

Here I am to worship

Here I am to bow down

Here I am to say that You're my God

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Praising You... for what You're up to in me...

I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord;

apart from you I have no good thing."

Psalm 16:2

more on waking to darkness...

If then the light in you is darkness,

how great is the darkness!

Matthew 6:23

Light... a metaphor for understanding...

If then... our only understanding... is darkness... a lie... a misunderstanding... how great is the darkness...!

Great darkness... because we believe we have light... true understanding... but we are in the dark... completely deceived...

Wake up O sleeper...

Wake up to the darkness...

...and Christ will shine on you...

Then... you will know... truth... freedom... joy...

"The eye is the lamp of the body. So if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness! ..."

Matthew 6:22-23 ESV

Eyes... they have to do with seeing... seeing = understanding...

The eye is the lamp of the body...

A lamp... it guides... directs... lights the way...

What we see with our eyes... where we turn our face... directs our day... our life...

We look... where we are going... our way determined... by how we see the world...

So, if your eye is healthy, 

your whole body will be full with light...

healthy... the Greek... literally means... whole...

Webster's defines whole... free from wound or injury: unhurt...

We are born into this world broken... injured... our eyes from the beginning are... bad...

bad... the Greek... meaning... in a physical sense: diseased or blind...

To see from a healthy eye... soul... to have a body full of light... can only come through healing... being made whole in Christ...

Otherwise... we are totally lost... in the dark... how great... is the darkness... when we don't know we are blind...

A loved one... one on which I'm waiting... sees with a bad eye... wounds... heart wounds... soul wounds... doled out by the enemy during growing up years... have blinded...

The beloved knows Him... but suffers spiritual blindness... when it comes to self-perception...

The wounded beloved... can't see past the lie... it seems true...

To overcome... a bad eye... we must replace it with a new lamp... the Word...

Your word is a lamp to my feet

and a light to my path.

Psalm 119:105 ESV

I see it... but the beloved... can't...

So I pray... for healing... wholeness...
recognition of lies...
desire for more...
truth... to obliterate the lies...
Light... to cut through the darkness...

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,

because he has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives

and recovering of sight to the blind,

to set at liberty those who are oppressed,

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

...

"Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing."

---Jesus

Luke 4:18-19, 21 ESV

(my emphasis)

Amen!

stirred desires...

The new study with sisters... stirs desires...

Desires to be...
romanced...
irreplaceable...
beautiful...

The premise... these specific feminine desires... reflect the heart of God...

But these desires...  in me... stir feelings of unfulfilled longing...

Desires... I've silenced... and bound... over the years...

The study... it promises a path of healing... through Christ...

Yet... to heal... the wound has to be opened anew...

Spiritual surgery... often begins... with a broken heart... brokenness of the past... reawakened...

So I struggle... to exercise... a lesson from Wednesday afternoons...

For everything created by God is good,

and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving...

1 Timothy 4:4

I receive afresh... heartbreaks... with thanksgiving... in hopes... of healing... restoration... redemption... and peace...

He used a hymn in worship today... to speak to this place in my heart...

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Assured of His work... to bring healing... I receive with thanks... a stirred up heart... 

it's hard... to watch others heal...

Healing... it can be a painful process...

A broken bone left to rest a few days begins to feel comfortable... but not useful...

Surgery... makes the way for healing... cuts... inflames... re-wounds... to put things right...

It's the same for a soul... I think...

Spiritual wounds not treated properly... leave scars... and a soul ill-prepared for life...

The Physician... He comes and does spiritual surgery... re-wounding... cutting... with the consequences... of sin... disappointment...

Repentance... the only way... for true healing...

A hard process to watch...

Must continually be reminded... it is for the best... it's all good...

Some became fools through their rebellious ways

and suffered affliction because of their iniquities.

They loathed all food and drew near the gates of death.

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,

and he saved them from their distress.

He sent forth his word and healed them;

he rescued them from the grave.

Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love

and his wonderful deeds for men.

Let them sacrifice thank offerings

and tell of his works with songs of joy.

Psalm 107:17-22

why to speak love... love... love...

My daughter... over lunch... she tells me about her friend... one with a new baby... a new house... and the process of redecorating... renovating...

She took her 5-month old to the house... ready to work... sweeping away... when... whack!... she accidentally hit her babe... in the head... with the broom...

Her friend tells her... He just looked at me... like... "Why'd you do that?"... and then he let out a wail...

She felt terrible... her friend... any who have parented... have had similar experiences... I know I have... unintentional woundings of my children... not only physically... but emotionally... words spoken without thought... looks given... that cut a heart... deep...

And here I thought... is where it begins... the enemy... will take this wound... even at 5 months... and begin to whisper... See... she's not safe... she doesn't love you... you are just in the way...

It starts early... this hate... this terror... this festering of wounds... ones the enemy uses... to harden... divide... destroy... devour... those created in His image... for His purpose...

How do we... combat... such an enemy... one insidious... unseen... devious beyond our understanding...?

Love... encouragement... never letting a wound go... without profuse apology... humbling before... even our child... at 5 months...

Don't tell them... toughen up... it was an accident... get over it... stop crying... recognize the wound... pray... for healing... of hearts... and spirits... Pray... for protection... from the enemy... who whispers... unseen...

Speak love... speak grace... speak worth... into your children... no matter how old...

Recognize... there is an enemy... and all the unseen... unintentional... wounds... he'll take advantage of to destroy...

Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

1Peter 5:8-9

(my emphasis)

I think of my own wounds... those inflicted by my parents... wounds I know were completely unintentional... yet my understanding... perverted and twisted... by the one who whispers in the dark... wounds... that I see changed my heart... and choices... setting me up for fall... after... fall...

But the One who is love... has spoken healing to many of those places... those He has revealed... 

In turn... I believe... that we need to be alert... looking for potential wounds... in us... in others... those we've inflicted... those others have inflicted... and begin... like Him... to speak healing... and love... into hearts... wounded...

Remember... all... are undergoing the same kind of sufferings... give grace... speak worth... speak love... love... love...

Be completely humble and gentle;

be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Ephesians 4:2

You never know... you might begin... a process... of... healing... in the life... of one wounded...