permission to hope...

Somewhere along the way in my growing up... I became a pessimist... one of those always waiting for the other shoe to drop... proverbially speaking...

Whatever the reason... a book has caused me to look at that aspect of my inner life... my fear of joy and hope... fear of disappointment...

Without reckoning with our emotions... our pasts... our hurts... the writer says we cannot live wholeheartedly...

One of the truisms of wholehearted living is You either walk into your story and own your truth, or you live outside of your story, hustling for your worthiness. Walking into a story about falling down can feel like being swallowed whole by emotion. Our bodies often respond before our conscious minds, and they are hardwired to protect --- to run or to fight.

---Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, Rising Strong

In response to the hard knocks of life... I've chosen to beat myself up... stay down... rather than give someone... or something... the pleasure of doing it for me...

Therefore... I find myself denying myself... joy... and... hope...

Dr. Brown goes on to say... we either reckon with emotions or off-load them in varied unhealthy ways...

So how do we reckon with emotion rather than off-load it? What I've learned from the research and tried to put into practice in my own life sounds way simpler than it is: Give yourself permission to feel emotion, get curious about it, pay attention to it, and practice. This work takes practice. Awkward, uncomfortable practice.

---Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, Rising Strong

Today... I wrote my first permission slip... and to make the whole process even more uncomfortable... I'm sharing my attempt here with you...!

Self: You have permission to be joyful & optimistic today! 

The book is secular... but truth is truth... and it all belongs to God...

Emphasizing the truth... I added Scripture to validate the permission...

For hope does not disappoint us because God

has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit

whom He has given us.

Romans 5:5

He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all,

how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?

Romans 8:32

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances,

for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I carried permission to hope around with me today...

it made a difference having it near... reminded me of truth...

of reckoning I need to do... from past falls...

Moving toward rising strong...

one awkward step... at... a... time...

Do you have emotions you need to reckon with...?

Emotions effect our hearts... 

the combination of our minds... wills... emotions...

they are the well-spring of life...

Join me in asking God to reveal... and guide... in dealing with the reckoning...

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Proverbs 4:23

holding loosely to my need for peace...

The lesson of enduring faith... and the holding loosely to the things of this world... includes my emotions...

Sunday evening... feeling stressed... pressed by time... led to me willing peace in my spirit... trying to hold tight to my emotions...

It didn't work... the first hint of confrontation... caused me to blow... overreact... apologies ensued...

Today... feeling weary... grumpiness creeping in...

My early morning with Him had been good... His faithfulness so evident during this season of stretching... but the peace of the morning did not last...

So today... I didn't try to force my spirit to succumb... I didn't wrestle down peace...

I'm not sure exactly how to put this in words... but I just sort of let my feelings be...

I took them to Him...
holding the need for peace loosely...
after a while... the ensuing irritability vanished...

This world is not the place... where peace reigns...
the Prince of Peace has overcome...
but the prince of darkness is still allowed the illusion of power...

"...I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.

In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart;

I have overcome the world." --- Jesus

John 16:33 ESV

Holding loosely to the need for peace...
and now...
holding loosely the need for rest...

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

Psalm 23:1-3 ESV

Father God... thank You for Your faithfulness...

even when my spirit is restless...

Thank You for Your grace... where I can just be...

Thank You for providing what I need...

and that I don't have to fight for it...

seeing the glass half-empty...

Somewhere in my early teens... I became very critical... not only readily seeing faults around me... but in myself...

I'm quick to note what's wrong... whether I vocalize it or not... and have a knack for imagining the worst case scenario... given any situation...

I'm not sure what lies at the root of this oblique perspective... attitude... and need to seek His insight... and knowledge on this issue... but what has become clear... it's time for it to change...

It is a thought-pattern that continues to recur... one that colors my view of everything... and overshadows... hope... which naturally causes me to lose trust... in God's goodness... if all I see is what's off...

This world is broken... we all fall short of the glory... but to focus on the faults... reveals an expectation... of perfection... here... now... in this realm... which will not happen... until Christ returns...

I should expect things to be wrong... off... and know it's OK... because all this is temporary...

For what is seen is temporary,

but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:18

It takes me back to Dallas Willard's "golden triangle" of spiritual transformation... which includes... these three processes needed... in "putting on" the Lord Jesus Christ... becoming like Him...

• Interaction with God's Spirit in and around us.
• Spiritual disciplines.
• Faithful acceptance of everyday problems.

My emphasis of the third item on the list... is where I continue to struggle... faithful acceptance of everyday problems...

To focus on the negative... omits the possibility... probability... absolute truth... of God's sovereignty... and purpose... in allowing everyday problems... for our good... and His glory...

So the challenge... (which goes hand-in-hand with the previous challenge... receiving whatever presents itself... as a present...)... is to stop... derail... take captive... negative... critical... thoughts... and begin to see the positive... in people... places... things... situations...

A further exercise in influencing... and correcting... strengthening... thought-life...

Above all else, guard your heart,

for it is the wellspring of life.

Proverbs 4:23

(emphasis mine)

The biblical heart... conveys the idea of our inner being... and consists of... mind + will + emotion... so when we consider what it takes to guard our heart... it begins with how we think... what we let into our minds... expose ourselves to... intentionally and unintentionally... and how we process it emotionally...

The ESV translation... reads... Keep your heart with all vigilance... 

keep... comes from the Hebrew...natsar... meaning... to watch, guard, keep... preserve, guard from dangers...

This is the same word used in Genesis... where God put man in the garden... and told him to work it... and keep it... You see the problems that arise... when one does not keep things well...?

vigilance... seen in the ESV... is the Hebrew... mishmar... defined... place of confinement, prison, guard, jail, guard post, watch...

A highly attentive word... 

From the heart... mind... will... emotion... spring life... our life... the quality of life... a good reason to keep watch... guard... be attentive... to what goes in... and comes out...

With His help... I'm choosing... to think... differently... 

I want life... abundant... filled with hope... light... not shadows... of darkness...

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

1 John 1:5-7

Father God... change my thinking... help me to guard my heart... 

Reveal the root of my critical spirit... and bring healing...

recognizing a destructive emotion

Regret... verb...to mourn the loss or death of... to be sorry for...

Mourn the loss... or death... of opportunities missed...

Sorry for... the way things were handled... or ignored...

Regret... noun... sorrow aroused by circumstances beyond one's control or power to repair...

An emotion that can trap... drag you into a pit... of self-pity...

I recognize it creeping in... thought-patterns that replay... "If I had only..."... "I should have done things differently..."

The read on the treadmill... spoke of worry... which I connected to thoughts of regret...

I wasted many years of my life worrying about things that I could do nothing about. I would like to have those years back and be able to approach them in a different way. However, once you have spent the time God has given you, it is impossible to get it back and do things another way.  

---Joyce Meyer, Battlefield of the Mind

Regret... from poor choices... in the past... that cannot be changed... whether the regret comes just seconds after a word leaves your mouth... or... years later watching adult children struggle with life... wondering whether past parenting... is the cause...

Nothing can change the past...

But God... He is in the present...

Regret... a total waste of time... (you will only regret... wallowing in regret...)

Conviction... repentance... these are emotions... to act on... these prepare a heart for change... prepare the Way for Him to transform...

Today... I'm wrestling... with... regret... and praying to be... a godly woman... one pictured in Scripture...

Strength and dignity are her clothing and her position is strong and secure; she rejoices over the future [the latter day or time to come, knowing that she and her family are in readiness for it]! She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness [giving counsel and instruction]. She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.

Proverbs 31:25-27 Amp

(emphasis added)

This... is a godly woman... whose hope is in Christ alone...

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Romans 5:5

Lord Jesus... I choose to put my hope in You alone... trusting You will not disappoint... and work all things for good... even regrets... I cast those on You today... commit my way to You... and wait expectantly for You to act...

My soul, wait thou only upon God;

For my expectation is from him.

Psalm 62:5 KJV

present... emotions...

Joy...
Hope...
Discouragement...
Frustration...
Disappointment...
Conviction...
Love...
Concern...
Doubt...
Sorrow...
Impatience...

Emotions... of the moment... just today's... make it difficult... to receive... what's presented... in the present... as a present...

Continuing the challenge... to receive from Him... each moment... as a gift... because He is good...

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5:3-5 ESV

(my emphasis)