thirty and 1/2 years...

It's the celebration of our thirty and 1/2 year anniversary...
and he talks about how we fight against the aging process...
until one day... it's just accepted...
and you become OK with fatter... slower... tired-er...

And I wonder at what he says...
because I was there a few years ago...
but not now...

Then he talks about growing old...
facing death... worry... fear...
and I say...  You don't have to... there's another way...

He says... You have so much faith...
I say... It's just the truth...

And the truth in Jesus...
is never dying...
never fearing...
and having access to indestructible joy...

There were times...
when it was a struggle to believe...
but the more I trust...
the more I obey...
the more I rest in Him...
the more I understand the truth...

I know we've only had...
thirty and 1/2 years...
because He intervened...

And partly because of the thirty and 1/2 years...
proof of His promises...
I know all the rest is true too...

Therefore we do not lose heart,

but though our outer man is decaying,

yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.

2 Corinthians 4:16 NASB95

Amen...
and I thank Him...
for thirty and 1/2 years...

thirty years...

"...But from the beginning of creation, 'God made them

male and female.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother

and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.'

So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God

has joined together, let man not separate."

Mark 10:6-9 ESV

Thirty years...

a testimony of the truth...

He holds all things together...

He is before all things

and in Him all things hold together.

Colossians 1:17 NASB95

Thank You... Lord...

for holding my marriage together...

Amen...

fun... is it really...?

The subject of fun came up today...
which sent me on a search in the Word...

Fun is not found in most translations...
Once in NIV... none in KJV... ESV... NASB...
several times in NLT... and 35 times in the Message...

Fun in the Word is nearly always used in a negative sense...

At my scanning... most often in the context of making fun of...
or as a reason for causing trouble...

My child, if sinners entice you, turn your back on them!

They may say, "Come and join us. Let's hide and kill someone!

Just for fun, let's ambush the innocent!

Proverbs 1:10-11 NLT

Fun appears to be a word for the flesh...

not one that feeds the spirit...

There are plenty of things that aren't fun...

at least not always...

and to persevere takes time... energy... intention...

Marriage... for one...

I love being married...

I love my husband...

but sometimes it's hard...

Teaching Bible to fourth graders...

another hard endeavor...

vying for attention... handing out discipline...

giving instructions multiple times...

Sometimes these things are hard...

cause dread...

but always... when you've gotten past the hard moment...

they are worth it...

Looking back... having done the hard... as best you can... it's good...

rewarding... 

instills joy...

Now there's a spirit word...

Be joyful always...

1 Thessalonians 5:16

But fun... that's a worldly word...

one that mostly leads to consequences...

hard... often lasting... consequences...

hang-overs...

addictions...

STD's...

So I consider... Fun... is it really...? and for how long...?

Doing wrong is fun for a fool,

but living wisely brings pleasure to the sensible.

Proverbs 14:9 NLT

to a son... thoughts on godly men... and camping...

Husbands, love your wives,(even before you know who they are), as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church (her) to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Ephesians 5:25-27 ESV

(my commentary added)

I know the world doesn't think much of this these days --- with all the blurring of gender lines and free "love" and friends with benefits --- but as a man created in the image of God and as a follower of Jesus --- you should think first about the honor of the young women you know, and not the desire or pleasure you get from their company. Case in point... a camping trip. 

And I know your heart to stay pure, and in your mind all will be innocent... many guys and girls... but wisdom says... No. The reputation of these young women should come first in your mind. And opposite sexes, together all night, no chaperons, no mission but fun, deems this unwise.

Plus, this kind of intimacy and adventure, that of camping overnight with a woman, should be thought of as something you only want to share with your spouse.

Think about it... camping with your wife in years to come... Do you want memories with other women on other camping trips to come to mind? Ones that might be awkward to share... and perhaps make her jealous... no matter how innocent it seemed at the time?

An episode of Castle comes to mind... the two main characters engaged. In planning their honeymoon, her primary criteria is that it be someplace he has never been with another woman --- a virgin adventure, so to speak. (He having been married twice before, and possessing extensive resources, makes this goal really difficult.)

A good reason not to take any vacations with girlfriends (or even girls that are friends) --- even if you stay in separate rooms. Of course, supervised mission trips or working as camp counselors somewhere is a different category altogether.

As I process your question... Can girls come on the camp out?... I realize there is so much more to protect... save... for your future relationship with your wife than the act of "sex".

I haven't thought through this before, but I know from experience these things to be true... even when nothing happened...

Take your role as a Christian man and protector of the garden seriously, which is first and foremost (after your relationship with Him) to protect and honor the women God places in your life. Not only for your future marriage but for theirs too.

Husband and wife --- married couples --- make up the basic building blocks of the Church... (two becoming one... and... where two or three are gathered in my name I Am there with them...) Protect your future marriage relationship in every respect and protect the Church.

Love you,

Mom

PS... Thanks for asking the question...

learning respect... part 6...

God... He didn't make me wait for the final letter... in the teaching... whose genesis... came... in the dark...

Yesterday... in the midst of writing the C...

R... revere...
E... engage...
S... stand at the crossroads and look...
P... pure...
E... earnest...
C... choice...
T

... the T... was revealed...

Today

The time... is now... today...

There is no waiting... for a husband... to earn... respect... God says...

...the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:33

(emphasis added)

Today... is the day to begin... 

When we exercise... respect... by faith... we wield the God-given tool... that encourages... our husbands... as Adams... to become the men... the keepers... God created them... to be... turning them into... men... we... will... respect...

Respect... it flourishes... in the present... where we find... His presence... 

Our God... He is a present-tense God... the Great... I AM... 

There is no benefit... to being guilt-ridden... by all the opportunities... missed... to encourage... with respect... guilt it paralyzes... and condemnation... is not found... in Christ...

There is no benefit... in waiting... for tomorrow... or... for the moment... when you feel like respecting...  

Obedience... to a command... does not require... feelings... 

So as the Holy Spirit says:

"Today if you hear his voice,

do not harden your heart

as you did in the rebellion,

during the time of testing in the desert. ..."

Hebrews 3:7-8

(my emphasis)

The test... it comes in the desert... the wilderness... where it's hard... when you hear Him speak... 

Do it NOW... waiting... hardens your heart... turns it... into a wasteland... 

To wait... once you know... when you've heard... that's rebellion... and leads to an extra... 40 years... in the desert...!

It is an act of faith... to hear... and obey... especially... when you don't feel like it... 

Today... now... in this moment... is where the Great... I Am... is found... there is no... What if...? there is ONLY... What is...

The past... it requires... confession... repentance... and confidence... in forgiveness... and grace... and His power to work all... for the good... of those who love Him...

The future... is... yet to be written... paths not yet chosen... words not yet spoken... thoughts that can be taken captive... for His glory... 

Faith... exercised... today... stands on His promise... to empower His people... to do... what He calls them to...

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

2 Peter 1:3

Humble yourself... before God... today...

Confess... that you are unable... to respect... your husband...

He is faithful... to enable...

Father God... I thank You... for Your teaching...

root it in my heart... for Your glory...

learning respect... part 5...

The C... it came slowly... difficult to hear...

For me... in waiting for a teaching to continue...

R... revere...
E... engage...
S... stand at the crossroads and look...
P... pure...
E... earnest...
C
T

... is the temptation to rush... to go ahead... to figure it out on my own... doubts rising... the end so close... Will He continue to teach...?

I asked... for more revelation... but... then it's like I tried to guess what will be next... impatient... "c" words... tumbled through my brain... I don't want my word... but Yours...

Then it came... quietly...

Choice...

Respect... is a choice... once we stand and consider the outcome of our behavior... respect vs disrespect... we must choose...

Yesterday... I made a choice... a portion of the definition of respect... came to mind...

...to refrain from interfering with...

As my husband did a job... for me... just... for... me... on Saturday morning... my spirit... was continually reminded... 

...do not interfere...

Now understand... this was a job I wanted done... a change that I physically couldn't make myself... one that took hours... and really benefited no one but me...

And it was a job... I had to let my husband do... his way... out of respect... I did not interfere...

But as I stood by and let him do... the phrase... it echoed... do not interfere...

The Spirit doesn't tell you anything unless you need to hear it... the Counselor... giving the encouragement you need...

The Spirit didn't repeatedly tell Joshua... Be strong and courageous... because he was... it was because that's what he needed to be reminded...  to be... what he did not feel... as he led God's people... into the Promised Land...

So yesterday... that is what I needed to hear... Why...? Because I wanted... to... interfere... to direct... to help... to say... I have a better way...

I realized... how disrespectful... I have been over the years... interfering... in places where he asked for no help...
telling stories...
driving from point A to point B...
various jobs around the house...

The lesson of respect... as a choice... making an impact... do not interfere...

And I was blessed... my husband... he went way beyond... what I asked... and expected... him to do...

In that choice... my respect... for my husband... magnified... enlarged... grew...

Respect... is a choice...

When divinely directed... from a pure heart... with a focus on entering a promised land... in marriage... mindful... of God's plan... and desire... the choice... to respect... is blessed...

Lord... I'm blown away... by Your teaching... Your thoughts... too wonderful... to me...

learning respect... part 4...

God... in His faithfulness... continues to teach... lessons... from struggles... in the dark...

R... revere...
E... engage...
S... stand at the crossroads and look...
P... pure
E
C
T

The second E... it came this morning...

Earnest...

Another trip... to the dictionary... (I have a friend who says... it's a holy book... the Merriam-Webster's... the way a simple definition... when we take the time to look... adds depth and increases understanding... of the Word... divinely inspires...)

earnest -- characterized by or proceeding from an intense and serious state of mind; grave, important

Respect... is not just outward... it begins with a thought process... an intense... serious... state of mind...

We often minimize the influence of our thoughts... I was just thinking... some not even realizing... that thought leads to action... or that we can control our thoughts... what we think...

Respect... is forged... by the renewing... of the mind... intentionally... changing the way... I think... about my spouse...

We demolish arguments and every pretension

 that sets itself up against the knowledge of God,

and we take every thought captive 

and make it obedient to Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:5

Thoughts run amok... in need of destruction...

My husband needs to EARN my respect...

I will NOT respect a man who...

Thought... taken captive... made obedient to Christ...

I WILL respect my husband...

Sin... it begins in the mind...

God warns us...

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of the world,

but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Romans 12:2

Be careful what you think...!

Set your minds on things above,

not on earthly things.

Colossians 3:2

What we think is serious business...

God's Light... in the midst of my run to the dark... revealed a pattern of thought that had taken root in my heart... regarding my husband... 

Thought patterns that have created a deep-seated habit of disrespect... highly polished... but disrespect nonetheless...

By His grace... I have begun to take those thoughts captive... making them obedient to Christ... remembering Jesus alone... is my source of joy... peace... security...

The old thoughts... send me careening down the path of Eve... and my previous attempts to respect were polluted with motive...

Changing my thoughts... begins with the work of breaking up a hard heart... and leads to changing habits... new rows plowed... taking all to Christ... He can transform...

Sow for yourselves righteousness,

reap the fruit of unfailing love,

and break up your unplowed ground;

for it is time to seek the Lord,

until he comes and showers righteousness on you.

Hosea 10:12

Respect... for a husband... is serious...  and cultivated from the proper state of mind...

What is your state of mind... ladies... when it comes to your husband...? or other men... in your life...?

sons... sons-in-law...?

brothers...?

co-workers...?

bosses...?

Remember... we Eves... have a job... to encourage the men God has placed in our lives... to be who they were created to be... and our primary tool... is... R-E-S-P-E-C-T...

Father God... thank You... for Your Word... Your teaching... Your willingness to help us demolish wayward thoughts... please continue... to reveal... what's next... in Jesus's name...

learning respect... part 3...

The teaching continues... an answer to prayer... His Light... transforming... the dark... in me...

R... revere

E... engage

S... stand at the crossroads and look...

P

E

C

T

The next word... the P... came yesterday morning...

Pure...

Beginning again... with the dictionary...

pure -- unmixed with any other matter, free from dust, dirt, or taint; spotless, stainless; free from harshness or roughness and being in tune; being thus and no other: sheer, unmitigated; free from what vitiates, weakens, or pollutes; containing nothing that does not properly belong

Respect... the heart behind it... pure... not to be used to manipulate... for your own good...

The night before I received this word... I saw it modeled... true... pure... respect... 

My husband and I stood at the bedside of a dying man... a man my husband knew better than I...

The man... he showed... spoke... respect to my husband... called him good... said he had impacted his life and how he lived... even though my husband probably didn't even realize it...

Respect... from a dying man... what does he have to gain... by offering praise... no future to manipulate others for... what I saw... was... pure... respect... for my husband... the one I have struggled... to respect...

God gave me a gift of grace... 

See how others see him...? 

Look with pure eyes... and heart... 

unfocused on what you feel you need from him... 

Look at him... him alone...

not what you want from him...

but who... he... is...

an image of  Me...

Godly respect... biblical respect... is pure... void of motive... no concern for... advancement... or favor...

Pure...

Free from fear... no need to walk on eggshells...

Real respect... is... pure...

Live as free men, 
but do not use your freedom to cover up evil;
live as servants of God.
Show proper respect to everyone...
1 Peter 2:16-17
(emphasis mine)

Lord Jesus... thank You... for this teaching... this lesson...
the transformation I feel taking place...
I humbly ask You to continue... revealing...
the meaning behind... 
R... E... S... P... E... C... T...

learning respect... part 2...

God's light... it heals... transforms... if we let it shine... on our personal darkness...

My dark... plus His Light... began this teaching...

R... revere
E... engage
S
P
E
C
T

The teaching continues... the Scripture that woke me yesterday... revealed the S...

Stand at the crossroads and look...

This is what the Lord says:

"Stand at the crossroads and look;

ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is,

and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.

But you said, 'We will not walk in it.' ..."

Jeremiah 6:16

Each day...

every moment...

we stand at a crossroads...

we have a choice...

our way...

or...

His Way...

...the ancient path... the good way... is the way it was meant to be... in the beginning... at the genesis...

Consider the outcome of the choice... 

In this case... the choice to... respect... the command given to wives... regarding their husbands...

Eve... she did not respect her husband enough to ask... What do you think... about this fruit...? or... What exactly did God say...?

Perhaps she thought as I do at times... He's not even interested in what's going on here... what's the point of asking... or... He probably wasn't listening... the game was on... there's no way he remembers...

Patterns of thought... that reveal... a lack of respect...

No respect... for the one... whose job is to keep the Garden... and all that is in it... especially his helper...

The Lord took the man and put him in the garden...

to work it and keep it.

Genesis 2:15

ESV

keep... the Hebrew... it means... keep, i.e. cause a state or condition to remain... guard, watch, i.e. limit access and movement of persons or objects in and out of an area, implying protection to or from the item being guarded...

Adam... he had a job... and so did Eve...

Eve... entered the garden... as a helper...  fit for Adam...

Then the Lord God said, 

"It is not good that the man should be alone;

I will make him a helper fit for him."

Genesis 2:18

ESV

But she is not just any helper...

When God creates Eve, he calls here an ezer kenegdo. "It is not good for the man to be alone, I shall make him [an ezer kenegdo]" (Gen. 2:18 Alter). Hebrew scholar Robert Alter, who has spent years translating the book of Genesis, says this phrase is "notoriously difficult to translate."  The various attempts we have in English are "helper" or "companion" or the notorious "help meet." ...Alter is getting close when he translates it "sustainer beside him."

The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately.

... A better translation therefore of ezer would be "lifesaver." Kenegdo means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart. 

---John & Stasi Eldredge, Captivating

Woman... created to help man... be all he was created to be... it is her divine appointment... and she has been given... divine gifts... power... to fulfill this role... the main gift... respect...

...the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:33

(emphasis added)

Respect encourages the one we are to revere... to do... and be... what he was created to do... and be...

Satan... he saw this... and his mission... was to destroy God's image... mankind... male and female... and he began by attacking the helper...

Even a sinless Adam... had doubts... was subject to temptation... yet... a word from Eve... a reverential question... engaging him in the conversation... would have stirred Adam to engage the serpent in conflict...

The lack of respect... led to trusting the one... who sought destruction... division... the new way... the way of the world... looked lovely... reasonable... but it was... the bad way... it was deadly...

Stand at the crossroads... and look...

Respect... an ancient path... a good way...

Consider the outcome of the paths... the ancient... versus... the new...

This same crossroad... is before every Eve... today...

Which way... will you choose...

Note: This relational truth is not just for husbands and wives... but is a message that effects all male/female relationships...

father to daughter...

mother to son...

brother to sister...

co-workers...

friends...

the beginning of the lesson... from the struggle...

The new lesson God began yesterday... is really the continuation of an old one... one I've been trying to learn for about 17 years...

Wives, in the same way be submissive 

to your husbands so that,

if any of them do not believe the word, 

they may be won over without words 

by the behavior of their wives, when they see

the purity and reverence of your lives.

1 Peter 3:1-2

(my emphasis)

A Word I received quite clearly... for the first time God directed me to Scripture... chapter and verse... a verse that DIRECTLY spoke to the prayer I had been crying out to Him...

 The heart of the message... Change yourself... in order... to change your husband...

Not a message I was too happy to hear at the time... and here I am... still... learning... still... surrendering territory... in my heart... that I might be transformed... into that wife... submissive... glowing with... purity and reverence...

As God shone His light... on me... regarding the struggle that sent me running to the dark... He revealed the sin... that keeps me stuck...

...the wife must respect here husband.

Ephesians 5:33

(emphasis added)

With a sad repentant heart... fully exposed... I confess... I do not respect my husband... the way God wants me to... the way I am commanded to...

I have tried... in my own strength... and reasoning... to bring it about... but there is a hard place in my heart... and yesterday morning... I prayed...

Forgive me Lord for not respecting [my husband] as I should.

Teach me how to respect him...

And He promptly began to teach... first through the dictionary...

respect -- to consider worthy of high regard: esteem (to set a high value on: regard highly and prize accordingly); to refrain from interfering with; to have reference to: concern (to relate to: be about; to bear on; to have an influence on)

Then I was prompted to write...

R

E

S

P

E

C

T

... and wait for Him to reveal... the meaning... of each letter... in the word...*

The first came immediately...

Revere...

Back to the dictionary...

revere -- to show devoted deferential honor to: regard as worthy of great honor

... devoted... worthy of great honor... words I kept going back to... drilling them into my mind... and heart... My husband is worthy of great honor... and devotion...

Two reasons to revere have come to mind...

1. My husband is created in the image of God...
2. I chose him...

He is God's creation... and I was not forced to marry him... I chose him... he is my husband... reason enough to exercise reverence... and display devotion...

Up to this point... (less than 48 hrs into the teaching)... I have had some success in this first part of the lesson... learning to honor... and understanding... receiving... into my heart... the reasons to revere...

The second letter... came at virtually the same time as the first...

Engage...

Again... to Merriam-Webster...

engage -- to pledge oneself: promise; guarantee (an assurance for the fulfillment of a condition); to give attention to something: deal; to hold the attention of: engross

Isn't it interesting... the precursor to a marriage is... engagement...

Respect is forged... by pledging oneself... to give attention to another... to deal with them... in a way... that holds their attention... 

I pledge... to engage... my husband... reverentially... a commitment the enemy does not want me to make... 

This morning...  in that half-awake... half-asleep... consciousness... a phrase ran through my head... Scripture... recognizing... that it began... with "S" I asked... Is this the S...?... and heard... Yes...

The phrase to share tomorrow... the next lesson in teaching... respect...

And after that... I will wait... hope-fully... in a faithful God... who will complete what He has begun... in me...

Father God... thank You for Your instruction... Your teaching... that transforms...

*Here is where it gets a little scary... posting this in a blog... here is faith... boldness at work... sharing a lesson that is... incomplete... with no clear timeline for when it will be...

labor day

The day began with a struggle... an opportunity to prove... the good in conflict... revealing hearts... increasing intimacy...

A labor of love... to enter conflict... rather than run... and brood...

A labor... worth the work...

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart,

as working for the Lord, not for men...

Colossians 3:23

love never fails

Last evening... I sat with a friend... holding hands... crying...

She lost her love... her husband... three weeks shy of their 63rd anniversary...

For more than six months... she cared for him in sickness... nursed him... loved him...

I didn't want to let him go...

I shared her sadness... her pain... yet... her words... thoughts... about her marriage... her love... were beautiful...

I didn't regret one day with him... he was good to me... never raised his voice... took care of me...

My own experience asked... You never once got so mad you wanted to walk out...?

No... not once...

She shared the months of sickness... in and out of hospitals... caring for him at home til she couldn't any longer... moving... together... into a nursing home...

I know he would have done the same for me...

And I believe he would have...

Tears well... throat tightens... even now...

Would anyone do such a thing for me... am I loved so well...? Will I prove to be such a love...?

It is an assurance and confidence I long for in my own marriage... to see it played out... till death do us part... is a beautiful thing... a rare thing...

An excellent wife who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

and he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good, and not harm,

all the days of her life.

Proverbs 31:10-12

ESV

Lord... today... I pray for my friend... may she know Your great love for her... be her Husband in this time of loss... provide care and comfort... for this sweet friend in her time of need...

i would've missed it...

This view... I never would've have seen it... never made it to this point... without the leadership of my husband...

The trail started off clear enough... a stairway from the parking lot of the dam... built by Boy Scouts... the sign said it was a 2 mile trail...

At the top of the stairs a gravel path was easy to follow... then we came to a y... to the left looked like an old road... to the right... more gravel overlooking a quarry... I thought following the gravel was the way... not long we came to a dead end... backtracking... my husband said we should go left... down the road... the way he thought first...

Back at the road-like trail... we walked... shortly it came to a real road... a locked gate separating trail from highway...

I was stumped... this is a stupid trail... there was no map at the beginning to show the way the 2 miles went... I stood at the gate... what a short adventure...

Husband... however... without hesitation... walked around the gate, loped across the highway, to investigate the woods on the other side...

Following his boldness, I ducked down and crawled through the gate... standing at the edge of the road I began to look... scanning across the highway for signs of the trail...

On a tree... to the right... was a small wooden plaque... painted brown... bearing a white arrow etched in the wood...

There it is...

We converged at the trail... me still unsure... because what type of people make woodsy-hiking trails without telling you they cross major roads...?  Apparently, Boy Scouts...

My spouse thoroughly confident and undaunted led the way through the woods... narrow trails... an ocassional arrow... faded red... on aluminum circles... nailed to trees, showed the way...

The Boy Scouts's directions left me wondering...

Without the leadership of my trailblazing husband... I never would have made it past the road... never seen the view... or walked along the bluff...

The Word made flesh... the leadership of husbands... their place at the head...

For the husband is the head of the wife...

Ephesians 5:22

ESV

At the head of my family... my husband... his leadership needed...

But my heartache... he remains an unbeliever... will not lead... cannot lead our family spiritually...

As I follow... on the trail... amazed at his undaunted spirit when the trail is unsure... a prayer...

Lord... what he could do as the spiritual head of our family...

capture his heart, Lord... capture his heart...

I wonder... what spiritual trails have I missed...? Where have I turned back instead of boldly moving forward...? I wonder... what would be... what could be... what will be...

But I want you to understand that

the head of every man is Christ,

the head of a wife is her husband,

and the head of Christ is God.

1Corinthians 11:3

ESV