do not withhold...

Do not withhold...
words from a devotional read Tuesday...
continue echoing in my heart...

Spurgeon used the King James Version...
Keep not back...
but I went to the English Standard Version...
where I found the way He calls us to respond to the gift of faith...
woven into Isaiah 43...

Although this message was sent to the south, and referred to the seed of Israel, it may profitably be a summons to ourselves. Backward we are naturally to all good things, and it is a lesson of grace to learn to go forward in the ways of God...

... If you have talents keep not back from using them. Hoard not your wealth, waste not your time; let not your abilities rust or your influence be unused. Jesus kept not back, imitate Him by being foremost in self-denials and self-sacrifices.

---Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening

And my question has been... my prayer...
What does it look like...? for me to not withhold...?

The opposite of withholding... pouring out...
I feel like I pour myself out here...
everyday... words written... vulnerability faced...

But I sense Him pressing me... to do more...
to reach out more broadly...

Be bolder in loving others...
connecting... sharing...
what I know of Him...

What does it look like...? for me to not withhold...? 

What about you...?
How are you pouring out...?
Or are you withholding a gift too...?

Feeling convicted... pressed... yet excited...
wondering what freedoms... will surely come...
with busting loose... pouring out...
no longer withholding...

Freely you have received, freely give.

Matthew 10:8

What depicts...? this pouring out...? bursting forth...?

Water... freely flowing... no restraint...

Hands... open wide... 

Seeds... bursting life... 

But still...

What does it look like for me...? to not withhold...?

Lord... I know longer want to withhold...

what You're doing in me...

I know longer want to withhold...

Your love from those in need...

I no longer want to withhold...

my love for You...

pouring out...

Pouring out... releases the outcome to Him...

This book... The Heart of Bethlehem... and its promotion... have been a process of pouring out... an exercise in humility...

A drink offering... poured out before God... went on the ground... into the dirt...

In the Holy Place you shall pour out a drink offering 

of strong drink to the Lord.

Numbers 28:7 ESV

The product of the vineyard... seemingly wasted... unenjoyed... by the one who produced...

For me... to pour out this book before God... is to release any potential benefits... or risks... for the flesh to Him... any accolades... any criticism... any royalties... they are not mine... but His... to do with what He pleases...

I've had to crucify my flesh... throughout this process...

You see... when I first believed... He had writing in store... a book to be published... through me... I had one view of how that might happen... through people... publishers... agents... who saw something special... and wanted me to write... work... to produce a book...

But as I listened... and tried to obey Him... attending conferences... meeting with editors... showing samples... mailing a proposal to an agent... entering a book contest... all that came back were critique... rejections...

Nobody... no person... desired me to write... for them...

God... He kept pressing... and brought before me an opportunity to step out... and self-publish an eBook...

I only moved forward... because I believed... this was a working out of the Word in me...

Every putting out deep... requires the work... of pulling up the net... to see what's within...

So I did the work... published the piece... now trying to listen... and promote... as He instructs... trying to be shameless... in this call...

What I see... is Simon Peter's putting out deep... after the miraculous haul... the great number of fish... Simon Peter saw his sin... confessed... then walked away from the catch... to follow Him...

And Jesus said to Simon, "Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men." And when they had brought their boats to land, they left everything and followed him.

Luke 5:10-11 ESV

The point of the whole exercise... was not the financial gain... the temporal benefits... the catch... it was the act of obedience... the humbling of self... and the looking to Him...

Solely looking to Him... pouring out... releases me from the anxiety of the outcome... releases me... from the fear of man...

As thoughts of self... repeatedly try to creep in... I remember the pouring out... in my mind a great clay jar... pours out its contents... an act of confession... my fear of man... and the release of the outcome to Him...

What's received... in the pouring out... is the joy found... in following Him...


[Related fare...
in the Word
embracing... hard...
a new release...]