when conflict leads to doubt...

Conflict... I had some this morning...
it wasn't extreme... not Jerry Springer-esque...
but disquieting... nonetheless...

In an effort to encourage a loved one with His Word... and reminders... I found myself up against a hard heart... a spirit seemingly closed off to His Word...

The whole experience... triggered doubt...

All day... I doubted...
my motives...
my obedience...
Had I really heard Him...?
Or was I manufacturing what I wanted to say...?
Did I use His name in vain...?
Saying it was Him... when it wasn't...?

Conflict... can lead to doubt...
even when beforehand we were certain...
of what we heard Him calling us to do...

The funny thing is... as I prepared for this writing... I pulled out a journal... one I don't write in often... to put down some words... so I wouldn't forget...

...when conflict leads to doubt...

With these words in my mind...
running on a loop...
I opened the journal to write...

What I found in search of the next blank page...
was the last thing I wrote...

A quote... one I heard a month or so ago...
one I was moved to record...

Conflict is a confirmation that you are doing the right thing.

---John MacArthur, Grace to You

Really...?!
I had to laugh...
God... He's just too funny...

Was this His answer...? to my day of restless seeking...?

Moving past doubt... into faith...
I receive this coincidence... as providence...

Maybe... just maybe...
the conflict comes as a result of a loved one's hard heart...
and not from my attempt to manipulate...

Maybe... just maybe...
there's an enemy... whispering into this loved one's ear...
lies... deception... defiance...

Maybe... just maybe...
I have acted in faith...

Trusting Him...
with hearts...
both mine...
and those with whom I conflict...

Search me, O God, and know my heart!

Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting!

Psalm 139 23-24 ESV