cynicism...

A dying moment... Jesus... What do You want me to die to...?

Cynicism

I wonder... What exactly is it...? I have a vague idea... but... Do I have it...?

I must or it would not be asked for... I give it to Him... speaking it out loud... taking it in words... to the foot of the cross...

Later... I look it up...

cynic... <SPECIAL USAGE> a person who questions whether something will happen or whether it is worthwhile... <DERIVATIVES> cynicism

 --- The New Oxford American Dictionary

The definition reflects the hidden sin... emotion... revealed the day before... during a time of meditation...
lack of trust...
impatience...
loneliness...
fear it won't come to pass...

The hidden doubt and fear... wrapped around specific desires... ones I've been waiting for... for a long time...

Sharing this retreat experience with a friend... she says...

We use it to guard our hearts...

Cynicism... the barricade erected... against another possible disappointment...

What battles... tears down... this stronghold of cynicism...?

Hope...

HOPE An expectation or belief in the fulfillment of something desired. Present hurts and uncertainty over what the future holds create the constant need for hope. ... Biblical hope is hope in what God will do in the future. At the heart of Christian hope is the resurrection of Jesus. ...

---Tyndale Bible Dictionary (emphasis added)

I hear Him speak to me... in the same manner He did to those He walked alongside on the road to Emmaus... those who had lost hope...

O foolish one... don't you know what the Scripture says...?

Look forward... with anticipation... and joy...

The journey... is to be one of hope... an expectation... belief... in the fulfillment... of something desired...

A study of hope is called for...
an exercising of hope...
a tearing down... handing over... of cynicism...

What about you...?

Do you find yourself guarding your heart with cynicism...?

What desires are you protecting... from disappointment...?

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,

to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly

for the salvation of the Lord.

Lamentations 3:25-26