Sometimes the only way God can give us peace is when we come to the end of ourselves and simply give up.
These words from... Glorious Mess... my current treadmill read... brought back images from the past... Less than 2 weeks before Mom's death... her first few hours in ICU...
Images formed not from personal experience... but based on conversations with my brother... who questioned Mom... after her initial brush with death...
You see... she had been taken to the ER by my Dad and older brother... shortly after Easter... 1994...
On examination her oxygen levels were so low... the doctor couldn't believe she was still cognizant... answering his questions...
The feeling was... that her death was imminent... pulmonary fibrosis... literally... taking... her... breath... away...
She was placed on massive doses if IV steroids... oxygen... and whatever other support was necessary... and somehow... her breathing improved... at least enough for her to interact with family... have conversations... and within a few days... be transferred out of the ICU...
It was on her second day in ICU... that she improved... and my brother was compelled to ask her a question...
Do you remember anything from yesterday?
Yes... Everything was gray... It felt as if there were rocks on top of me... I gave up... When I did... the rocks fell away... there was light... everything was green... and there were young people everywhere... Don't tell your Dad... I didn't want to come back...
The day before... my brother... he prayed with Mom... and it was at the end of that prayer... that she confessed... I trust... I trust... and her major concern throughout the day was that she hadn't made the house payment that month...
The images I have of my brother's conversation with Mom... depict... the words... from Glorious Mess...
Sometimes the only way God can give us peace is when we come to the end of ourselves and simply give up.
My Mom... she gave up... she trusted Christ... even with the mortgage... and gave up... At that moment... she found peace... one she didn't want to leave...
It was less than two weeks later... that she entered that peace... for eternity...
The last couple of days... I've been pressed... by my own gray... rock pile... the weight of dealing with the one off course... the one who wears rebellion...
Decisions seem heavy... making it hard to breathe... and sleep... a life at stake... a future yet to be written...
I really don't want to come to the end of myself... in order to learn... and practice this lesson... I choose to simply give up now... whatever that looks like... praying... and waiting... for answers... not manipulating... but loving... as God calls me to... and hoping that the one off course... doesn't have to slam into greater rocks... before he gives up too...
I give up... not on the loved one... but on me... knowing I can't... but He can...
"My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness." ---Jesus
2 Corinthians 12:9
I seek His peace... by giving up... and giving all... to Him...
That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness...
For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:10
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