running to broken cisterns... again...

Some days I come here... feeling like a broken record... lamenting the same woes... falling into the same pits... over and over... ad nauseam...

The stress... of life... the heaviness of heart... testing faith... at new levels... reaching a fracture point... this morning...

Frustration mounting... ready to be DONE... weary of doing good... tired of doling out grace... with NO RETURN...

(That's me... the one marked... NO DEPOSIT... NO RETURN...)

Empty... seeking a savior... in the wrong place...

Again... expecting my spouse... (the one fully empty himself...) to defend... rescue... from multi-directional attacks... as some of the arrows come straight from him...

As I fight the battle within... to keep from blowing up... giving in... to the anger... the hurt... the self-pity... understanding fully that... hurt people hurt people... (me being one who wants to)... the words they come...

...broken cistern...

A reminder... that... AGAIN... I'm running to the wrong well...

"My people have committed two sins:

They have forsaken me, the spring of living water,

and have dug their own cisterns,

broken cisterns that cannot hold water. ..."

Jeremiah 2:13

Is it a lesson I just can't learn...? Or is it this new level of stress... with live-in elder-in-law... and a live-in-rebel... and loved ones waiting... that reveal my tendency to still run to the wrong well when the refining fire is stoked...?

The words... broken cistern... a grace... a gift from the Spirit that's Holy... revealing... the root of my anger... the internal struggle... the selfish desires... the sin committed... the One forsaken...

A precious reminder to run to the Spring of Living Water...

But whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again --- ever!

John 4:14 HCSB