Jacob... Israel... one in the same... the Patriarch of faith... whose name means... wrestles with God...
Today... I wrestle over self... and self-centeredness... feeling the words of Paul...
Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners---
of whom I am the worst.
1 Timothy 1:15
(my emphasis)
Learning that love is completely other-centered... looks not at its own wants... but others's needs....
But me... I feel the epitome... of un-loving... so completely focused on self... wrestling... struggling... to put my wants aside... wondering why I can't look past me... see the needs... of those sheltered here... and find joy... and grace... to freely love...
Today... I'm the worst... entering the ring... to wrestle with Him...
crawling on the cross... believing I have been crucified with Him...
have died... and He lives... in me...
only... ME... keeps resurrecting...
stirring thoughts... I don't want to think...
Today... I... am... the... worst...
but in the wrestling...
I see that He... is... here...
without Him... there would be no wrestling...
no challenge to love... with obedience...
different choices would be made...
ones that stray far... from the road that runs narrow...
So... I give thanks... for wrestling...
for the God... who loves... and invites...
us to wrestle... with Him...
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